Skip to content

Xmas Crackers!

December 24, 2013

By Paul Homewood


There was a man called Viner

He really was a whiner

Snow’s a thing of the past

Cut your CO2 fast

All except for China.



To remove the Middle Ages

We need a cunning plan

Now, who needs a PHD?

What about Michael Mann?



Hayhoe, Hayhoe, it’s off to work we go

I’m a clever girl

I’ve got books to sell

Hayhoe, Hayhoe!



“It’s a travesty”, said Kevin

I’ve lost my missing heat

It must be hiding in the ocean

At 30,000 feet.



Mickey Mann and Mickey Mouse

Are easy to tell apart

They’re both cartoon characters

But the mouse is pretty smart




Angelina, Prince Charles, Al Gore

Say you’ve got to cut CO2

With mansions, private jets and more

It’s do as I say, not as I do!



400 parts per million

We’re all gonna die

If we don’t all freeze to death

We’re all going to fry.


  1. December 24, 2013 10:31 am

    When do we go,
    To lean a bit from history,
    On Christmas 1939 the NYT reported
    The “cold numbs the brain in this Arctic hell”
    After Hitler commenced the Second World War,
    And dropped a climatic shell,
    Causing three extreme cold winter in Europe,
    And a global cooling from 1940 to 1970 as well!
    On Christmas 1939 it only began,
    nicely reported from NYT,
    still unclear, whether true or blunt lie:

    “December 24th 1939: Report by James Aldridge: “The cold numbs the brain in this Arctic hell, snow sweeps over the darkened wastes, the winds howl and the temperature is 30 degrees below zero (minus 34.4° C). Here the Russians and Finns are battling in blinding snowstorms for possession of ice-covered forests. …I reached the spot just after the battle ended. It was the most horrible sight I had ever seen. As if the men had been suddenly turned to wax, there were two or three thousand Russians and a few Finns, all frozen in fighting attitudes. Some were locked together, their bayonets within each other’s bodies; some were frozen in half-standing positions; some were crouching with their arms crooked, holding the hand grenades they were throwing; some were lying with their rifles shouldered, their legs apart….Their fear was registered on the frozen faces. Their bodies were like statues of men throwing all their muscles and strength into some work, but their faces recorded something between bewilderment and horror.” (NYT, December 25 , 1939). ”

    More about Russian-Finnish Winter War 1939/40 :
    Best Seasonal Greeting !

  2. December 24, 2013 11:02 am

    Well done. I’ve enjoyed your posts through the year. Have a happy and safe Christmas. And looking forward to 2014. With best wishes, nzrobin.

  3. December 24, 2013 11:10 am

    Global warming limericks
    1. A mediocre, plump academic named Mann,
    Devised a lucrative and cunning plan;
    By means of a very Nature trick,
    He fabricated a hockey stick;
    But global cooling made him an also-ran.

  4. Joe Public permalink
    December 24, 2013 1:31 pm

    Thanks Paul, for all your effort, research & postings this past year.

    A very Merry Christmas to you & your family.

  5. Brian H permalink
    December 25, 2013 11:04 pm

    “lost” and “missing” above seem redundant. I suggest “surplus” some similar term instead of “missing”. Or perhaps “I’m missing my surplus heat”. 😉

  6. Brian H permalink
    December 25, 2013 11:04 pm

    typo: “surplus” or some …

  7. Brian H permalink
    December 25, 2013 11:06 pm

    And note that the first verse rhymes only in England.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: